


Paracelsus

by Prester_John



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Gen, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 00:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7337884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prester_John/pseuds/Prester_John
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bored Nick goes to a Nightclub with Clawhauser.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paracelsus

Quitting time on a Friday was always Nick's favourite part of being a cop.

He loved the job, it was great fun, but it was always nice to take the uniform off, relax, and just be a normal guy again. Usually going out to a bar or restaurant with his friends.

Unfortunately, Judy was off at the burrows, some big bunny wedding or seven was happening, and she needed to be there. Honey was off roughing it, doing one of her tours of Zootopia to raise funds; and she'd roped Finnick in to help.

So here Nick was, friday night, with nothing to do. He was spending time hanging around the lobby of the ZPD, seeing the perps being brought in, when he noticed an uncommon sight. Clawhauser out of uniform, and not behind his desk. If anything he was looking shiftier than normal, in black slacks and polo-neck, as if we wanted to be a panther.

Still, if Clawhauser was getting off duty now, it might be worth seeing if he wanted to hang out or anything. While he'd not spent too much time with him, and he seemed a dim bulb sometimes, it'd be better than being bored.

"Clawhauser! My mammal, what's up with you?" Nick put on his best smile, and slid up next to him. "Any plans for tonight? I mean, you look like a guy who could do with coming out with his good pal Nick Wilde to a bar," he gave Clawhauser a nudge with his elbow, "maybe we could get you a lop dance."

Clawhauser shuffled back a bit. "Ah, thanks Nick but, um... I already have plans." He rubbed the back of his head with his paw. "Maybe tomorrow or something?" He was hiding something, Nick could tell, a new girlfriend?

"Oh no problem, you've got a date or something? Good on you, loverboy." Nick was prepared to slink back to waiting, but Clawhauser comment stopped him.

"No, I've... well, I'm going to a club actually." Clawhauser was starting to sweat, Nick couldn't resist inquiring further.

"Well if it's a club, why don't I come along. We're both off duty, and Officer Hopps is visiting her folks. Show me what Benjamin Clawhauser does for fun." Clawhauser was walking towards the doors, and was even starting to speed up slightly, Nick had to jog to match his speed.

"It's... it's not going to be your kind of thing Nick." Clawhauser was almost at the doors, beginning to leave, when Nick put his paw on his shoulder.

"Clawhauser, please. It's my first weekend without the bunny here to keep me company, and without her..." Nick took a deep breath, "Without her, I'm not sure what to do. All my other friends are busy, and I don't want to face a weekend alone."

Clawhauser's jaw dropped. For a moment Nick felt ashamed to have bared his emotions like that; but ever since he met Judy, he'd learnt that sometimes -- just sometimes -- it was okay to let the barriers drop.

"Look Nick, okay," Clawhauser gently removed Nick's paw from his shoulder, "I'll take you to the club, but be cool, and promise me: don't tell anyone about it."

"Hey, sure. My lips will be sealed, and when am I not cool?" He chuckled. Whatever this was, it sounded interesting. Clawhauser not wanting a secret to get out? He was the biggest gossip on the force.

\--- 

The train ride was in near silence. Taking the Zootopia loop through the rainforest district always made Nick feel sweaty, even if the carriage was air conditioned and sealed. Still, he wondered where they'd be going, Clawhauser certainly wasn't dressed for the rainforest district.

When the train stopped at Precipitation Street, Clawhauser motioned for them to get off. He'd been quiet for the trip, making Nick wonder just what was going on in his head. They crossed the platform in perfect dryness -- fortunately built into one of the large fake trees -- and got on the Canal line. Some sort of cruise based club? Well, Nick had always thought he'd look rather fetching on a boat, and it would be good for a laugh.

After only two stops, Clawhauser stood up. "This is us." The Meadowlands Haymarket home to rolling hills, lush valleys, and absolutely no preds. Nick started to feel anxious, he'd stick out here worse than if he'd gone to the wedding with Judy.

Still, he trusted Clawhauser, surely he knew what he was doing. And certainly he walked the streets like a native, crossing narrow paths between tenements, and hopping across cobbled streets with a grace that he never showed at work. Nick found himself having trouble keeping up, but wasn't about to be left behind.

Finally they arrived at a nondescript door for what looked like some kind of closed restaurant. Clawhauser turned to Nick and held up a claw to his mouth. "Look, whatever you do... don't freak out, okay?"

Nick shrugged. "Sure, but I'd be less likely to if you told me what to expect." Clawhauser knocked three times on the door. A small metal grate opened up, and a pair of goat eyes looked out. Nick suppressed a shudder, he'd always found them weird and his experience with Bellwether's sheep had done nothing to reassure him.

"Howdy Benny, who's your friend?" The voice was so deep it reminded him of Finnick. Nick would have been looking around his legs for his old friend, if it wasn't for the use of a nickname. Clawhauser rarely used anything other than his surname at the station, but here -- amongst sheep and goats -- he went by Benny.

"Oh, this is Nick, he's a work friend." The eyes peered at Nick, horizontal pupils staring as if they expected Nick to turn feral at any moment. Then the grate shut, and the door opened.

Nick hadn't expected much, given Clawhauser -- no, Benny -- hadn't told him anything. But this...

The door opened onto a plush floor, maybe a foot deep in shaggy carpet. The walls were covered in fake fur, unless Nick had missed a neon pink species of tiger. And in booths and dancing on the floor to calming music was a whole host of animals. Along with the sheep and goats there were others. A tiger, a pair of wolves who seemed to be swarmed with sheep, even a ferret or two hopping through the carpet. And everywhere everyone was just so... affectionate.

Clawhauser saw Nick's hesitation, and took his paw, practically dragging him inside, and up to the bar. Nick hissed at him, "what's up with everyone here. I mean, I know I may not be the most affectionate of mammals, but this seems a little much."

"Look Nick, this club is for those who don't like the hectic stress of the big city. You've seen me at the front desk. How many angry phone-calls or raging perps do you think I have to deal with. You just bring 'em in. I see 'em all." He tapped the bar, where a sheep with green died wool was serving drinks. "I'll have my usual please."

"So you come here to unwind, that doesn't seem so bad." Nick started to relax, putting his elbows up against the bar. "The floor's pretty comfy as well."

"Well, you see, everyone here wants to unwind a little more than usual," the barmaid returned with two glasses. One large glass of water, the other was a shotglass of a pale blue liquid. Clawhauser handed over some small bills and looked at Nick almost apologetic.

"Pastor," Nick, the penny finally dropping. "The most popular drug of choice in Zootopia for--"

"Ah ah, I said be cool Nick, please be cool!" Clawhauser shushed him as quietly as possible. "No one here uses it for that. It's just... it makes things better. Enhances the buzz."

"But it's..." he dropped his voice to a whisper, "it's illegal. You could be looking at a suspension for this, if you're lucky."

"This is why I didn't want you to come, but you were so insistent..." He was cringing, while watching the Pastor in his glass. "Look Nick, you can leave whenever you want. Just please don't tell the chief."

"Ah, to hell with it. I'm looking around here and I just see people enjoying themselves. Nothing bad's going on. I mean, I won't touch the stuff, but I'm not going to leave you alone while you enjoy yourself." Nick gestured to the barmaid. "Just a beer for me."

She snorted. "We don't serve alcohol, that stuff makes you act like a darned fool."

Nick spluttered, "but... you serve pastor!"

"Traditional sheep recipe. Makes you happy, part of the flock. The ban on it's just anti-sheep prejudice." Nick couldn't help but facepalm.

"Okay, then get me something good to drink. Me and Benny are about to hit the dance-floor."

\---

After several hours of dancing, Nick was starting to get exhausted. He'd expected that Clawhauser would have dropped out after ten minutes or so, but after downing the shot he'd been full of energy. After the first hour they'd even switched from the slow music to some pop, including Gazelle's greatest hits, which Clawhauser went nuts over.

Still, Nick was flagging, he pulled himself over to a booth and ordered a glass of water. Gotta keep himself hydrated. As he sat drinking, the goat doorman slid in next to him. "Oh, hey, sorry. I'm sitting this out." Nick held up his hands in apology.

"Nah, I just wanted to thank you for being here for Benny. 'name's Judah", he held out a hoof for Nick to shake. "He's never brought a friend before."

"Really? But he's always such a positive guy." Nick was genuinely shocked.

"Yeah, but that's not how he feels, a guy like that only hears the insults, not the praise." The goat snorted, and took a drink of his own water. "The fact that you're being here, being his friend... that's just something real good for him."

Nick felt terrible. He thought back to how he'd viewed Clawhauser over the day: slow, fat, and a last resort. That he was someone who Nick was only hanging around because all his friends were out of town. He downed his glass, "I'm not as good as you think I am."

"Pfft, look, I recognise a cop when I see one. You didn't try to run to your boss, you didn't try to talk him out of enjoying what he enjoys. That makes you good enough in my book." Nick flinched slightly, he still didn't quite think of himself as a cop. Even through the long months of training.

"Well, he trusted me enough to bring me here. That earns trust back." He looked at his empty glass. "I'll see how Cla- er, Benny's doing."

"That's a good boy." The goat nodded, downing his own glass.

Back on the dance floor, Clawhauser was surrounded by a gaggle of other dancers -- all swaying to the newest Gazelle hit. Nick worked his way through them, and tried to signal for Clawhauser to meet him where it was quieter. Either he was better at signalling than he used to be, or Clawhauser was quicker on the uptake than Judy was, because soon they were over at a chill-out zone, filled with piles of pillows and cushions. Nick tried to ignore the happy couples and groups gently snoozing on some of the piles.

"So, I uh... wanted to ask how you were doing." Nick looked down at his tail, which was nervously twitching.

"Oh Nick, this has been a great night. I mean... oh holy smokes, look at the time!" He pulled up Nick's arm, and tried to read the display upside down. "I've got a shift tomorrow morning, I'll need to catch the train back soon!"

"Hey, I'll walk you to the station." Nick stood up, and brushed some feathers off his shirt. "I mean, are you in a fit state to go there by yourself?"

"Oh, I'll be fine, this isn't my first rodeo." Unfortunately, he spoiled the effect by bursting out into a giggling fit. Nick quickly shushed him before any of the sleepers woke up. "I'm sorry, I just pictured myself riding the Chief like in a rodeo."

"That is pretty good." Nick smiled. "Look, I wouldn't mind coming back here again sometime. I might even try out some Pastor, if you're prepared to watch over me."

"But Nick, won't that hurt your macho image?" Clawhauser's grin could have swallowed an entire pillow whole.

"Look, it just looked like you were having a good time. And I suppose in small doses, there's no real problem. It's not like I haven't done worse in my time anyway."

Nick's face suddenly fell. "Just whatever you do Clawhauser, just please don't tell Judy. She's a real stickler for rules."

Clawhauser suppressed a giggle. "Oh Nick, of course. My lips are sealed."

**Author's Note:**

> After some complaints about how terrible Pastor could be, a few people tried writing more consensual stuff with it.
> 
> This is my attempt.
> 
> Terrible references:  
> The name refers to Paracelcus, aka Philippus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim, a polymath who was the father of Toxicology, and is credited with the phrase "The dose makes the poison." Here it's being used to imply it is not Pastor that is wrong, but the way it is used.
> 
> The goat's name, Judah, is really unfortunate. It's the original hebrew form of the name Judas; making him a Judas Goat,


End file.
